First a Little History on This Special Day

February 14, Valentine's Day is celebrated as a lovers' holiday today, with the giving of candy, flowers, or other gifts between couples in love.  Few know however the actual origin of Valentine’s Day.  There are at least three bishops who were named Valentine.  The story that is most enjoyed and followed is that it originated in ancient Rome as a tribute to St. Valentine, a Catholic bishop.   It is believed that Emperor Claudius II thought that young men would be better warriors if they were single and did not have to worry about wives and children.  Thus he passed a decree that forbid young men, potential soldiers from getting married.  St. Valentine defied this law and performed marriages in secret. Valentine would secretly marry young couples that came to him. When Emperor Claudius found out about Valentine, he first tried to convert him to paganism. But Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius II. When Valentine failed, he was stoned and beheaded in 270 AD.

It is also known that for eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans had practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his sexual companion during the remaining year.

In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Both men and women were allowed to draw from the box, and the game was to emulate the ways of the saint they drew during the rest of the year.  Instead of the pagan god Lupercus, the Church looked for a suitable patron saint of love to take his place. They found an appropriate choice in Valentine

It is believed that when Emperor Claudius II imprisoned Valentine, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer.  His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From Your Valentine."  The phrase has been used on his day ever since.

Years ago, the lottery for women had been banned by the church.  What remained however is the mid-February holiday in commemoration of St. Valentine that gave Roman men the opportunity to seek the affection of women. It became a tradition for the men to give the ones they admired handwritten messages of affection, containing Valentine's name.   The first Valentine card grew out of this practice. It is believed that Charles, the Duke of Orleans sent the first true Valentine card in 1415, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.

Cupid, another symbol of the holiday, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Today over one billion Valentine Day cards are exchanged yearly. 

Valentines Day has become somewhat commercialized over the past few decades and most men have no idea what to get the one that they love.  They resort to either buying expensive jewelry or an expensive dinner.  Most of us also fall prey to the idea that she wants a dozen roses that seem to quadruple in price for that one week.

Roses are always nice; yes they are elegant and symbolic.  You need to know that red means love, pink means grace, yellow means friendship, white means innocence and peach means desire.  You need to know that women always appreciate roses, however on Valentines Day many view roses as a standby with very little thought.  They are more emotional, what can I tell you.  So instead of buying a dozen roses for $100 spend the money on different flowers such as Tulips, sunflowers and any other colorful and fragrant flowers.

You may want to think about being more romantic, don’t worry you can still be macho.  Buy some flowers with matching scented candles.  Put these in the bathroom with a hot bath that has fragrant beads.  Put on some soft romantic music and invite her for the evening of her life.  If you really want to save money and make her night, take a couple of small pieces of paper and write one safe sexual fantasy on each piece.  Fold them and let her chose three of them, save the rest for her birthday.

You can also learn how to say “I Love You” in a different language, it’s fun and women love this.

American Sign Language

Arabic            Ana Behibek

Chinese           Wo ai ni

Eskimo            Nagligivaget

Filipino           Mahal Kita

French            Je t’aime

German            Ich liebe dich

Greek               S’agapo

Hawaiian          Aloha l’a Au Oe

Hebrew            Ani ohev otach

Hindi My tumko pyar karta hu

Italian        Ti amo mi amore

Japaneese     Kimi o ai shiteru

Polish               Kocham Cie

Portuguese        Eu te amo

Russian            Ya vas lyublyu

Spanish            Te amo

Swedish            Jag alskar dig

Zulu                 Ngiyakuthanda

If you Don't Have Someone Special

In today’s rushed climate, most of us welcome and enjoy some time to ourselves.  So why is being alone on Valentine's Day so hard?  Probably because the commercial push for cards flowers, chocolates and other affectionate mementos are difficult to ignore. You are expected to have a date and be with someone that you love.   So this Feb. 14, if you are single, make a date with yourself and enjoy the many positives of being alone.

Give being alone a chance.  Instead of feeling unloved and rejected, agree to enjoy your own company.  Treat yourself with love and care.  Do something you enjoy such as taking a bubble bath, watch a fun movie, work on a special project or hobby, go out or order in a special meal or read a good book. You may be surprised by how peaceful and relaxing solitude can be.

If you are having a difficult time getting over the idea “I need to be with someone on Valentine’s Day”, then focus on donating your time and talent to helping others. Helping others may help to put your own situation in perspective, bringing to light the positives and the things you can be thankful for.  Call up any on of the many volunteer agencies in your community and go and help.  If you recently relocated to a new community and you feel disconnected from your hometown, then get to know your local environment but volunteering.  This will help you build a sense of community and belonging, and feel less lonely. This Valentine's Day, get out and explore the things that make your community unique.

If you want to feel something warm and cuddly then consider adopting an animal from the local shelter.  Spending the evening with your pet can provide insight on how to love yourself and others. Pets love unconditionally, they are accepting, they don't criticize, they don't judge, they forgive and they give pleasure.

If you find yourself lingering over lost and unrequited love on Valentine's Day, then go and do something special just for yourself.  Take inventory of your life and situation and decide what may help you change for the better.  Consider having a makeover, going to a spa to relax and unwind, going shopping for something you really want or an outfit that will make you look and feel more confident.  Consider going to the gym or taking a nice long walk around your neighborhood.  You never know whom you will meet. Destructive behaviors such as drinking or abusing drugs or other behaviors such as sleeping, crying or channel surfing are not advised. These may signal that you need the help of a professional counselor.

So Happy Valentines Day and please try to enjoy the day with someone that you love and care about.  Learn to appreciate what you have to offer to someone else and give it freely.